When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I was in top-notch condition. I was constantly active. I would rush home from work and load my bike on the back of the car and drive to the nearest trail. My goal was to ride as many miles as I could before the darkness forced me out of the woods. If it was raining, I was happy to strap on tennis shoes and go for a run instead. Hours of yoga and stretching kept my muscles happy and limber. I loved my body and in turn, it loved me back. It rarely tired, and when it did, it still pushed forward like a well-oiled machine.
I still love my body, but so much has changed. It is no longer the well-oiled machine it used to be and it is tired more often than not. I no longer see the definition in my muscles that used to be there. I never had a six-pack. I did, however, use to joke about my two-pack. Even that is gone now, replaced by constant bloating and fluctuations in my weight. I did not get to this point easily. Even as the foot drop worsened and the right side of my body continued to weaken at an alarming rate, I would strap on running shoes and give it my best. I no longer easily ran my usual three miles around the neighborhood. Instead, at great peril to my personal safety, I would “run” three-tenths of a mile. I told myself that three-tenths of a mile today would mean four-tenths the next day. I was wrong and eventually had to stop trying when the risk of falling became too great.
I made every attempt to keep my body in shape. Yet, I struggled to find appropriate exercises. Everything was too hard or too easy. The weights I was accustomed to lifting had become too heavy. The twenty-five-pound weights were impossible to lift. I kept on in disbelief as the ten-pound weights became a struggle. My balance made yoga more frustrating than the fun challenge it had been. Cycling, the sport I had lived and breathed for the past decade, was becoming too heart-wrenching to even attempt. My legs would clang uselessly around the pedals as my right hand struggled to hold on.
I turned to the internet in a desperate attempt for help. I searched for MS-specific exercises. What I found was more frustration. There are some great resources available for working out with MS. Many that I came across were chair-specific exercises geared toward people who struggle more than I do. Sorting through them for the ones that were beneficial, versus what was too hard, versus what was too easy was time-consuming and tedious. I would spend the entire time allotted for my workout staring at the internet, trying to find something to do. Or I would repeat the same exercises I had found over and over with no variety.
During the first year of my diagnosis, I spent more time collapsed on the floor in a pool of tears instead of the pool of sweat I was accustomed to from working out. I wanted so badly to keep moving. I knew how important it was. No matter how tired I was and no matter how frustrated I was, I would still try. My mental health was declining faster than my physical health.
Nearly five years later and the struggle continues. It is impossible to find a steady workout routine when your symptoms fluctuate daily. Or, when it is really bad, on an hourly basis. I have rediscovered physical therapy and occupational therapy. Both have been a godsend for me. I was fortunate enough to get onto the schedule of one of the top rehabilitation hospitals in the region. They have gadgets, high-tech equipment, and gizmos. More importantly, they have amazing therapists.
This is my third go-around in neurotherapy. It was a difficult decision to try again. Prior experiences told me that it would not be worth the time or effort. My current experience is telling me that physical therapists are a lot like psychotherapists. It may take a few tries to find the right one, but they are out there.
As for whether physical therapy will help me walk better is yet to be seen. What it has already helped with is my mental state. There has not been any great leap toward the life of joy I once knew. The days of spending miles in the bicycle saddle followed by an evening walk to stretch my legs are over. But there has been a small step toward being physically active again.
Updates to come.
As I mentioned earlier, there are some great resources online for exercises specific to MS and MS related issues. One I frequent is https://themsgym.com/
(M)y (S)tory 